So I haven't blogged in a long time. I don't know if I can say I didn't have time to, because technically I've had more time lately than usually, but somehow, I haven't had time to.
The last few weeks have been rough. First of all, after an amazing and long-anticipated visit from my family, I found myself relatively lonely in a big empty apartment without a whole lot to look forward to except applying to grad school and trying to reorganize my life. (Not exactly uplifting.) By the time Christmas finally rolled around I was completely burned out from all the things I've been doing at church - way too many, without the right support, without any breaks - and decided I absolutely needed to take time off from all of it. For the month of January I've been going to other churches on Sundays to get a new perspective and be refreshed in a different environment, and I put aside all of my responsibilities. I've been trying to work through everything but really it's all so complicated and overwhelming to me that I'm still not sure I know where to start.
I'm learning that a person can literally go "kaputt" if she doesn't draw boundaries and take care of herself before trying to take care of others, if she nevers says no, and if she lives with a theology of "If someone at church asks me to do something, and I can, then I should." This is wrong, but I'm stuck in it. I'm terrified of letting other people down - even when I know I wouldn't be. I'm terrified of not being the superhero who does everything.
But I also realize that many of these things distract me from what's really important and aren't actually fulfilling. I did NOT come to Berlin to overwork myself at this church - I came to Berlin to teach, love and serve my kids at E.-O.-Plauen. That is my calling.
So what do I do about everything else? No idea. I don't want to give things up completely, but I can't keep doing them the way they've been done until now.
Sorry for the slight downer there. I do have some happy news too! First of all, I started tutoring one of Ruth's friends, and I'm very excited about that. She and her family are super sweet. Secondly, I'm working on planning a trip to Turkey in April to visit my friends Elif and Eser! I'm consequently really trying to work on my Turkish... Oh yes, and grad school...
The one great thing that has come out of the last few weeks is a relatively clear direction regarding next year. Obviously I still have to wait to see where I get accepted, but I have pretty much decided to go to grad school in the States, which was already a big decision. I'm pretty confident that I will get a better education there in the field I want to study (language education, with an emphasis on bilingualism), and it involves the least amount of hoop-jumping and taking classes that aren't really necessary just to fulfill some sort of requirement. (In other words, it will take me 2 years instead of 3-4+, which I find ridiculous... but I digress.) I am applying to NYU (where I applied and got in last year) for a dual degree in Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages and Foreign Language Education, DePaul University for a degree in Bilingual/Bicultural Education, and the Monterey Institute of International Studies for a degree in Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages, probably with an added certificate in Teaching a Foreign Language.
So... that's pretty much all I have to report on. I will try to go back and do an actual post on my family's visit, since it was really really fun. But for now I think I'm mostly caught up...
.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
